Party
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry, who despises parties, decides to throw one to celebrate his anniversary at the agency to make Monogram happy. But the party is cut short when Dennis the rabbit escapes from prison to kidnap his son Palmer and attempt to turn him into a rogue.
1. Chapter 1

"Guess what's in a week, Perry?" Monogram asked.

Perry just stared at him. That was his way of saying I'm-not-going-to-guess-because-I-don't-want-to-and-you-can't-make-me.

"All right, I'll tell you. In exactly one week, it will be your fourth year at the agency! Isn't that exciting?"

Perry continued to stare at him.

"We're thinking of throwing you a party. Would you like that?"

Perry folded his arms.

"I didn't think so. Well, anyway, your mission: Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all of the puppets in the tri-state area. Investigate and put a stop to… whatever it is he's doing with those puppets, because it must be EVIL!"

Perry saluted and ran to his jet car.

* * *

Perry burst through Doofenshmirtz's wall a few minutes later.

"Perry the platypus?" Doofenshmirtz gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Stopping you." Perry responded, even though he knew Doofenshmirtz couldn't understand him.

"No, seriously, what are you doing here? Is this because of all the puppets? I hate to tell you this, but…. I wasn't actually planning to do anything EVIL with them… I was just going to put on a puppet show."

Perry frowned.

"Fine, I'll do something evil." Doofenshmirtz pushed a button, and Perry was trapped inside a puppet theater.

Perry peeked his head out of the front of the stage.

"So, now that you're trapped, let me tell you about my new evil scheme I just thought up. I'm going to make and film a puppet show, and put it on children's television! And you know how all of the children's TV programs have a lesson for the children to learn? I will teach them to think of ME as their leader, and I will rule the next generation of the tri-state area!"

Perry cocked his head in confusion.

"Well, it's the best I could think up on such short notice, Perry the platypus."

* * *

"One plus one equals eeeleeven, two plus two equals twenty-twoo, three plus three equals thirty-threee, that is what it equals!" Perry sang. "Come on, you all know this song by now. Sing along."

The agents were assembled in a circle, waiting for Monogram to come and talk to them.

"How come Perry always makes up the best songs?" Carrie the cat said. "I can't even think up a tune."

"He's smart." Pinky the Chihuahua responded.

"Seven plus seven equals seventy-seven, eight plus eight equals eighty-eiight, nine plus nine equals ninety-niine, that is what it equals! Okay, guys, get ready for the hard part." Perry said. "Ten plus ten equals one thousand and ten, eleven plus eleven equals onethousandonehundredand eleven, twelve plus twelve equals onethousandtwohundredandtweelve, that is what it equals!"

"Let's do something else!" Peter the panda said. "Like fight each other. Last standing agent wins."

Monogram walked in at that moment. "Good, all of you are here." He smiled at Perry. "Agent P, would you mind stepping out of the room for a moment?"

Perry looked at him, confused.

"Only a moment."

Perry sighed and left the room. He knew what this was all about. Monogram was probably planning some stupid surprise party for his anniversary at the agency.

It wasn't that Perry didn't like parties, he just flat out hated them with a burning passion. Confetti flew in his eye on his first birthday party and infected it. At the O.W.C.A Halloween Bash, he'd wound up in a crazy paint and cupcake fight which resulted in Monogram scrubbing him clean for two hours. At the O.W.C.A Christmas party, Monogram ate a carrot that had served as Perry's snowman's nose. The O.W.C.A Thanksgiving party two years ago had been cut short after Monogram found out that Agent T was dead, and that had pretty much killed Perry's love of parties, if there was any to begin with. Terrence had been his first friend at the agency. They'd spent every moment together.

He just didn't have good luck with parties. And they were too loud, anyways.

Well, he wasn't going to stick around waiting while they planned it. He was heading home.

* * *

Phineas and Ferb were really the only people Perry had a strong relationship with. They'd had a pretty long history: Phineas and Ferb had adopted him when he was a baby. Phineas and Ferb played with him every day after they brought him home. They had only ever made him mad twice. When Ferb was six, he used Perry as a chair. When Phineas was eight, he had shaved all of Perry's fur off out of curiosity. Even though Perry wasn't around much anymore, they still played with Perry from time to time and missed him when he was gone. Last year, they had discovered Perry was a secret agent. After Phineas stopped being a superjerk to Perry, the three of them had developed an even stronger bond. Unfortunately, only Perry remembered the event.

Those two were Perry's favorite people in the world. He loved them so much.

When Perry got back home, Phineas was sitting on the couch with Ferb and his computer. "Look at this, Ferb. I'm logging in to an awesome site. It's asking me for my password."

Perry jumped up on the couch and sat down on Phineas' keyboard.

The computer made an annoying repeated dinging sound. The password box on Phineas' computer was filled with different letters.

"I don't think that's the password, Perry." Phineas said.

Perry chattered innocently.

"Do you know what's more fun than anything? Throwing a party for someone." Phineas said. "It makes you feel really happy inside."

Perry felt a little bad. Maybe planning a party made Monogram happy as well. Maybe Perry could pretend to be fine with the party, at least for him.

Perry jumped down, pressing the return key on Phineas' computer.

"That is not the password." Said the computer.

"I TOLD YOU!" Phineas said.

* * *

Pinky was drawing a picture of a doorknob when Perry found him.

"Guess what I'm doing for my agency anniversary?" Perry said.

"Sleeping. No wait, sitting on the couch watching soap operas and eating junk food."

"I'm having a party."

Pinky stared straight ahead. Then he shook himself off and turned to face Perry. "I'm sorry, I thought you just said you were having a party."

"I did."

"Hah, that's a funny joke." Pinky started to laugh. "Seriously. I almost believed you for a second."

"Pinky, I really AM having a party. I told Monogram and everything."

"I'm sorry, I think I mistook you for my friend Perry the platypus. You're his twin brother, right? I'm sorry, I'm no good with names, and I can't remember yours…"

"It's me. Perry. I'm having a party."  
"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"You're joking."

"Nope."

"You're pulling my leg."

"I'm as serious as ever."

"We're being filmed. This is some insane planned joke. Doofenshmirtz hit you with his least-likely-inator."

"His what?"

"He built that inator once. You destroyed it. I saw the fight on the O.W.C.A internet."

"I keep telling you, that wasn't me! And I REALLY am having a party."

Pinky squinted. "Are you okay? Do you need to see the vet? Are you sick?"

"I'm FINE, Pinky. I just decided it might be nice to… you know… celebrate."

Pinky nodded slowly. "Okay. Well… I suppose anything is possible now."


	2. Chapter 2

"What am I supposed to do here? There's no hole!"

"Just putt the ball into that space under the fake television. This is the last hole."

"That's no hole."

"Fine, this is the last little crevice-thingy."

Perry was playing Seasonland mini-golf with his son, Palmer. Palmer hadn't really understood the concept of mini-golf yet, but he was getting better.

"I don't get it." Palmer said, putting his red golf ball down on a little snowflake pattern on the ground. "Why don't people just drop the stupid ball in the hole instead of using some club?"

"Because then it would be impossible to lose. And, it would be boring."

Palmer putted his ball. It went right up into the crevice.

"Watch this." Perry said. "A video comes on the television screen."

They waited.

"Are you sure it does?" Palmer asked skeptically.

"Maybe there's a delay."

"That's a big delay."

"Here, you can hit my ball in. See if you can get it to work."

Palmer put Perry's ball on the snowflake and hit it.

It slammed into the side of the crevice and rolled back down.

Palmer hit it again, with the same result. "Okay, now I'm convinced this stupid television thing is broken. No video." He whacked the ball as hard as he could.

It slammed into the television, cracking the glass.

"Well, NOW it's broken." Palmer muttered.

"Great shot! RUN." Perry grabbed Palmer and dragged him away.

"Is mini-golf dangerous?" Palmer asked.

"Not usually."

"But it has clubs in it. That means it's dangerous."

"Not all clubs are dangerous."

Palmer whacked Perry over the head with his golf club. "Did that hurt?"

"OW! YES!"

"Then it's dangerous." Palmer slowed down to a walk.

"YOU'RE dangerous."

Palmer smiled. "Golf is fun."

Perry shrugged. "I guess. I'm not really a sporty guy."  
"Me neither. I prefer breaking things. Look, this window here can totally shatter if I use my club-"

Perry steered Palmer away from the window. "Not on my watch."

* * *

"Whatcha doin'?" Darren asked, approaching Perry from behind.

"How'd you get in my house?" Perry asked. He was standing on a step-stool, stirring pasta in a pot.

"There's a pet door. Aren't you worried your host family's going to see you cooking?"

"They're out tonight."

"Okay, and SHOULD you be cooking?"

"Technically, no. But practice makes perfect, doesn't it?" Perry started chopping cucumbers.

"Please tell me that's ketchup on your hands."

"Some of it is- OW!"

"Are you okay?"

"Missed the cuke, got my finger. It's okay. It's all intact." Perry wrapped his finger in a towel. "What are you doing here?"

"Pinky's been spreading a rumor around that you're having a party for your fourth-year anniversary!"

"Huh? Oh. Right."

"Why is it four years, anyway?" Darren counted on his fingers. "You're six. You've been going here since before you were a year old."

"I took a couple years off, remember? One year I got off when I was in that movie. The other year I took off after Terrence died. It was really only a few months off, but I guess Monogram isn't keeping such good track."

"Oh. Anyway, I didn't believe Pinky for an instant. A party? You? I mean, those two words can only go in one sentence, and it also has to have the word 'hate' in it. You can't even get five feet near a party without scowling-"

"I am having a party."

Darren stared at him. "Why?"

"Why not?" Perry retorted, draining the pasta into a colander. "Why is everyone making such a huge deal out of this? OW!" He jerked back as some of the water splashed on his arm.

"You just… well, you hate parties!"

"I know, but maybe I just want to try one or something to see if I can… like it more. I don't know." Perry turned on the cold water and stuck his arm under the faucet.

"You really shouldn't be cooking. You're not very good at it." Darren warned.

"I'm fine. Only seven cuts and one burn. That's a new record. And no broken plates." Perry tipped over a glass, which crashed to the floor.

"I'm guessing that glass isn't going to count." Darren said.

"I'm getting better." Perry stuck the pasta on a plate and decorated it with cucumber slices.

"What's that for?"

"I'm gonna eat it with my show. Usually I splurge on junk food, but last week I gained three whole pounds. So this is a healthy alternative: The pasta supplies the bready taste of most chips, and the cucumber supplies the crunchyness." Perry took his plate over to the couch, sat down, and switched the TV on.

"And now, the next episode of: 'I Thought You Hated Me'." The TV said.

"Last week, Jerona was dating Mike, but he thought she hated him so he started dating Alena, even though Jerona really hated Gerard and not Mike. So then when she found out Mike was dating Alena, she got mad at him and now she hates him. And Alena hates Jerona because she knows Mike still loves her, even though Jerona hates him." Perry explained to Darren.

"I love you." Said a woman on the TV.

"Well, I hate you." Said a man.

"But I hate you more!" Said the woman.

Darren looked at Perry. "Are you… crying?"

"It's just so romantic!" Perry sobbed.

"This coming from the guy who bought his girlfriend a spare tire for her birthday."

"She kept complaining about how her scooter's tire was always coming loose. Besides, she's just a friend."

"Still, girlfriend or not, girls kind of prefer flowers."

"Hush, I think they're about to kiss!"

The man and the woman did kiss. "I hate you." Said the woman.

"But I still love you." Said the man.

"Do they say ANYTHING without the words 'hate' and 'love'?" Darren asked.

Perry blew his nose into a tissue. "Tthhhey're so g-g-good together!"

"You need to get out more."

Perry wiped his eyes. "If you're not going to watch this, then you can go."

"I'll just eat with you, then." Darren pulled a few cartons out of his fur pockets.

"Dude, how do you fit all that- wait- is that Chinese food?"

"Yep." Darren pulled out some chopsticks and opened the carton. "Vegetarian, of course. You want some? I have plenty."

"I probably shouldn't…"

"Suit yourself." Darren dug into his tofu rice.

"Smells really good, though." Perry said. "There's some kind of spicy sauce on it, isn't there?"

"Yep."

"It sure smells good."

Darren sighed and thrust a carton into Perry's hand. "Take some."

"If you insist." Perry said happily, prying open the box.

"Do you know how hard it is to find a Chinese restaurant that doesn't serve duck?" Darren said. "I love Chinese food more than anything, but I don't love it enough to resort to cannibalism."

"Better Panda falls into that category."

"Yep. And it's close, too."

"Excuse me a moment." Perry leaned over the side of the couch and threw up on the rug.

"Are you okay?" Darren asked.

"Chinese food makes me sick."

"Then maybe you shouldn't eat it."

"It tastes good, though." Perry dumped some more rice into his mouth.

* * *

"Perry threw up on the rug again!" Phineas called.

Linda groaned and walked over to where Phineas was pointing.

Perry sat contentedly on the couch, all evidence of his soap-opera night gone.

"Are those Chinese noodles?" Phineas asked.

"I told Candace not to leave the cupboards open." Linda said. "He probably got in there and ate something."

"Admire the rug art while it's here." Perry chattered.

Linda sprayed some liquid on the spot and wiped it up.

"Art hater." Perry accused.

"Ferb and I are going to build a limousine." Phineas said.

"Your imagination is adorable." Linda said as she left.

Perry sighed and rolled over, suddenly very tired.

"Guess what, Perry?" Phineas said. "I had a dream about you last night."

"Yippee." Perry chirped.

"I dreamed that you came in through the pet flap all beaten up, and you were talking to Ferb and I about some O.W.C.A and about how we had to take something… I forget what… and you said it was too late for you, and then we put you in a platypus curer we built. Then I woke up."

Perry tried his best to keep his expression mindless. Phineas' mind wipe was wearing off a little. If Phineas thought too much about whatever it was he had forgotten, he would remember it again…

Perry didn't care if Phineas remembered his part in the battle in the second dimension, or his help in the O.W.C.A/Rogue battle. But Monogram did.

And Perry did NOT want to be relocated.

"It was weird. The dream almost seemed real." Phineas said.

Perry chattered and drooled on the couch cushion, trying to look as stupid as possible.

"Dreams are junk that your brain is trying to get rid of." Phineas said.

"That's poetic." Perry responded.

Phineas gave Perry a pat and left the room.

Perry sighed and leaned back on the couch cushion.

"Always include others!"

"GAAAH!" Perry yanked Carlos the caring clown out from behind the couch cushion. Carlos was undoubtedly his least favorite toy.

"You're a great friend!" Carlos said.

"I HATE YOU!" Perry threw Carlos against the wall.

"You are such a loving friend!" Carlos said as he hit the floor.

Linda kept buying more Carloses each time Perry destroyed one. The first Carlos had exploded in the toilet, the second in the microwave, and the third had been ruthlessly destroyed when Perry was in a bad mood.

Getting rid of Carlos IV would be wonderful.

Perry just had to think of a creative way to do it.

He picked up Carlos in his mouth and carried him over to the kitchen.

"Hello, Perry." Said Ferb. He was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hello, Ferb. I am going to destroy Carlos."

Perry jumped up on the kitchen counter and dropped Carlos in the sink. He jammed Carlos down the disposal.

Then he padded over to the disposal switch and flipped it on.

"GNNANANNANANANAAAAAARRRRRRRR." Said the disposal.

"Always- friendddd-caaaarrrriiiinnnnnggggg..." Said Carlos.

Carlos spun around and around as he began to tear apart.

Ferb watched the event, his eyes wide with shock.

Perry chattered happily as Carlos' arm flew through the air and landed on the ceiling fan.

"You're supposed to turn the water on before you run the disposal." Ferb said quietly.

"Gnakakakkakakaka."


	3. Chapter 3

"So what are we celebrating again?" Pinky asked.

"I finally lost those three pounds." Perry responded.

He, Pinky and Devon the dog were at Mr. Slushie Burger. They had all ordered huge shakes, burgers and fries.

"You're going to gain them all again." Devon pointed out.

"Hey, don't ruin my celebration." Perry took a bite out of his burger.

"Yes, don't." Pinky said. "He gets really cranky if he doesn't get his fast food."

Devon swiped a fry from Perry's plate. "This is probably going to clog our arteries."

"What's an artery?" Perry said with his mouth full.

"Who knows?" Devon took another fry.

Perry slammed his burger back down on the table. "You stole my fries! You have your OWN fries. Did you know that stealing is AGAINST THE LAW? I could totally call the police right now and have you ARRESTED."

"I wonder what WOULD happen if you called the police." Pinky said thoughtfully. "I mean, would they really drop everything to come and take away a guy for stealing a couple fries?"

"Probably not, if they were already paid for." Devon said.

"No one takes my fries." Perry mumbled. He started slurping down his shake.

"So, I heard you were having a party." Devon squirted some ketchup on his tray.

Pinky started laughing. "Sorry. I just can't control myself whenever I hear that."

Perry sighed.

"The last time you threw a party was when you were two." Devon said.

"I remember that!" Pinky jumped up. "The cake exploded!"

"And then all the balloons fell down!" Devon said.

The two of them burst into laughter.

"And the power went out!"

"And the fire alarm went off- oh! Oh! Remember the monkey?"

"THE MONKEY! And the hula skirt with the watermelon!"

Perry glared at both of them. "It's not like it was the world's WORST party."

"Of course it wasn't! It was the UNIVERSE'S worst!" Devon responded. He quickly stopped laughing. "It won't be THAT bad, will it? You'll throw a better one this time?"

Perry shrugged. "Of course. I mean… I hope so."

"It had better be better." Pinky said. "Monogram fell asleep at that party."

"It will be, okay?" Perry snapped. He grabbed a handful of fries and stuffed them in his mouth.

Pinky and Devon exchanged a glance.

* * *

"So, Perry the platypus, let me tell you my latest scheme…"

Perry was trapped in a giant stuffed toy basket. It was actually really comfy.

"Remember a long time ago, when I stole Slushie the clown and ripped his tape box out? Well, now, I have stolen all of the Carlos the caring clown toys!"

Perry's eyes widened in surprise.

"And I am going to rip THEIR boxes out! And there will be no more of them annoying me with their happy little positive sentences!"

Perry crawled out of the toybox and walked over to Doofenshmirtz.

"You escaped already?"

Perry shook Doofenshmirtz's hand.

Confused, Doofenshmirtz took a step back. "I don't quite understand… why aren't you… punching me?"

Perry picked up a Carlos toy that was lying on the ground, ripped it open, and tossed its voicebox into the trash.

Doofenshmirtz smiled.

* * *

After a few hours, all of the Carloses had been dismantled. Perry and Doofenshmirtz were sitting near a huge pile of the toys.

"Well, that sure was fun." Doofenshmirtz said.

"No more Carlos." Perry chattered.

"I gotta go at four. I'm planning Vanessa's party. She's always hated every one I've planned for her, though, except that one you blew up."

Perry stared straight ahead, then turned to Doofenshmirtz.

"What?"  
Perry took a pad and pencil out of his fur pocket and scribbled something down, then handed it to Doofenshmirtz.

"Nwo ym fo ytrap a gninnalp pleh deen I." Doofenshmirtz read.

Perry sighed and turned the pad over.

"Oh! 'I need help planning a party of my own.' That makes much more sense." Doofenshmirtz stood up. "Sure, I guess I can spare a moment. What's your budget like?"

Perry handed him a sheet of paper.

"Ah, so these are your expenses." Doofenshmirtz laid the paper down on his lab table. "Ouch, you really don't have a lot to work with, do you? Hey, you've got a little son, haven't you? Does his mother pay you anything?"

Perry pointed toward the bottom of the paper.

"YOU pay HER? Well, that hardly seems fair. My ex-wife sends me huge checks. I use it to finance my evil. Eh… I suppose you could buy a balloon and a cupcake."

Perry frowned.

"Or I could take a break from building inators for a week and help you pay for a really awesome party." Doofenshmirtz mumbled. "You know, you're really lucky you're cute."

Perry beamed at him.

* * *

"I don't believe this."

Perry looked down at the floor of his lair, trying to think about the tile, the color, anything but the fact that Monogram was yelling at him.

Perry hated being scolded. He'd always hated it. It made him feel small.

"I sent you there to STOP Doofenshmirtz, Agent P. STOP him. Not HELP him. You've stopped him for years. Now, all of a sudden, you decide you want to rebel? I can't have that, Perry. It would bring down the organization."

The tile was bluish.

"Agent P, are you listening to me? Or are you just off in that little world of yours again? You NEED TO FOCUS. You're always so distracted."

Perry reached over and turned Monogram's screen off.

He slumped down in his chair. Sometimes he and Monogram weren't exactly on the same page.

* * *

"Wake up."

"I'm asleep."

"No you aren't."

"My brain is."

"WAKE UP." Palmer poked his father in the side with his paw. "I only get a couple days with you every other week. I don't want to waste it all just 'cause you snooze through HALF YOUR LIFE."

Perry curled up more in the pet bed. "Sleeping is magical." He murmured.

"Sleeping is a stinkin' timewaster!" Palmer snapped. He stormed away and returned with a jukebox, putting a CD in.

Then he pushed play.

"Oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh! Oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh!" Sang the jukebox.

"TURN THAT HORRIBLE NOISE OFF!" Perry howled, covering his ears.

"Forget it. Kendrine Adems will never stop singing unless you stand up."

"Palmer, please? Five more minutes?"

Palmer started dancing along with the music.

"FINE. I'll get up."

Palmer turned the player off. "Thank goodness. I was about to hurl from that so-called music."

"Kid, that ain't music. It's noise someone compiled on a scratched CD."

"Can we do stuff now?"

"Sure… as soon as I am refueled by coffee."

* * *

"TWENTY-THREE BOTTLES OF POP ON THE WALL! TWENTY-THREE BOTTLES OF POPPPPPP!"

Perry sat sleepily on the edge of Palmer's bed. Palmer was belting out the song like there was no tomorrow.

Perry was supposed to get Palmer home and to sleep before his mother came home. Perry had thought that singing the pop song would bore Palmer to sleep after a few verses, but Palmer had decided to join in. LOUDLY.

"YOU TAKE ONE DOWN AND PASS IT AROUND…"

"Hey, Pal, why don't we call it a night and just… sleep, okay? Or at least pretend you're asleep so I don't incur the wrath of Poppy?"

"Mom doesn't have a wrath. But if she did, that'd be cool!"

"She does."

"What number was I on? I forget. I guess I'll just have to start over."

"Please… no…" Perry covered his ears.

"NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF POP ON THE WALL! NINETY-NINE BOTTLES OF POP!"

Poppy threw open Palmer's bedroom door. "Hush, Palmer. Go to sleep."

Palmer crawled under the covers and innocently closed his eyes.

Poppy glared at Perry.

Perry gave her a nervous smile. "Hey, I got him IN the bed. That's something."

"Get." Poppy pointed at the front entrance.

"Someone's cheerful."

"I'm just tired."  
"I suppose I'd better go, then. Tomorrow I have to plan for my party."

"I'm too tired to laugh at your jokes." Poppy muttered.

"I'm being serious."

"I'm already hallucinating. I have to get to bed. You have to go."

"I'm going, I'm going."

* * *

Dennis the rabbit emerged from the huge hole he had dug. He dashed toward a tree and leapt into its branches.

Finally. He was out. That was the hardest prison break he'd ever made. The instant he'd been let out into the high-security dirt yard for some "fresh air", Dennis had started digging his hole.

Now all he had to do was hide. The guards would find the hole, and probably even come rushing out of it any minute. Once they were gone, Dennis would put some distance between himself and that dingy old prison.

How could he ever face the rogues again, though? He had been defeated by a BABY. Shoved out of an airplane.

He suspected that Perry hadn't been able to hang on to that plane either. They had both been outside of it when Dennis fell.

So Perry was most likely out of the picture, and Palmer, that powerful little creature, was probably in Colorado, where the plane had been heading.

Dennis loved assuming things, because usually he was right. It made him feel smart.

Still, it never hurt to check up on things.

Dennis pulled out his videophone and dialed the number of Fir, a psychic bat he knew.

Fir's image shone on the screen. "Well, look at who FINALLY escaped from jail. I knew you would, of course, but I certainly hoped it wouldn't take you THIS long."

"Where's Perry?" Darren snapped.

"Perry? At this moment? Probably down at his nemesis' place. They're planning a party that is going to be a great hit. Poor thing isn't fond of parties though."

"He's alive?"

"Yes. I told you not to go on that plane. I told you you were going to fall."

"I brought a parachute."

"And look how well that worked out, landing right in prison."

"Stop it, Fir. Now what about Palmer? That little powerful agent of his?"

"Palmer's in a beat-up old garage down in Danville with…" Fir thought a moment. "A caveman? No. Caveanimal? Old… old… a very… Ah! An old platypus. I believe his name is Pepper."

"Great. Old animals can't fight. I can just go right in there and grab him-"

"You're much too hasty, Dennis. You need patience. If you want to succeed, do as I tell you."

Dennis shut his mouth. He hated Fir bossing him around all the time. But it was handy to know the future before it happened.

"Excellent. You'll be able to get Palmer easily tomorrow. That is, ironically, the same day that Perry the platypus is throwing his party. If you go today, you will wind up in the middle of a traveling circus parade, and I don't believe you would like that."

"I wouldn't." Dennis heard men shouting. "Fir, I have to go."

He hung up and crouched down on the branch, watching the confused policemen who had emerged from the hole.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why aren't you partying?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry was sitting in a chair by the exit. All of the other agents were running around.

Carrie had her head in the chocolate fountain. Darren had filled some balloons with pudding and was throwing them at an unsuspecting Devon.

Katie the kangaroo was putting the new recruits in her pouch to see how many could fit at one time. Kyle the kangaroo was cheering her on.

"I don't like parties, remember?" Perry chattered.

"My couch parties harder than you." Doofenshmirtz said.

"I never heard 'party' as a verb before." Perry sipped at his lemonade. At least there wasn't any confetti.

"Come watch!" Clara the chicken said, coming over to Perry. "Someone dared Peter the panda to eat all the hot dogs! So far he's eaten sixty-three! He only has four left to go!"

"Tempting, but no thanks." Perry muttered. He looked down into his cup.

"This is YOUR celebration." Clara reminded him. "You ought to be having more fun than anyone today."

"I don't like parties."

"Then why did you throw one?"

"Because I wanted to see if I could learn to like them. I can't."

Doofenshmirtz turned on the boombox.

"I'm Lindana and I wanna have fun!" It sang.

"LOVE this song!" Darren said, starting to dance.

Monogram stepped onto the stage that had been set up and banged on the microphone. "Attention! Attention please! Uh, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, would you switch the radio off for a moment?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Uh… okay then. Well, Agent P, as of today, has been with us at least four years."

The Lindana song blared in the background.

Monogram spoke closer to the microphone so he could be heard. "He came to us as a stray, and was very difficult to train, but now he's one of our best field agents. I can't remember a failed mission. I can remember a failed driver's test, though."

A few of the agents laughed. Perry scowled.

"Anyway, I am very glad he's here, and I think he deserves a round of applause."

The agents all clapped, and Perry blushed.

Doofenshmirtz clapped extra slowly.

The Lindana song continued to play.

The agents went back to what they had been doing before. Perry watched as Katie attempted to stick a puppy into her full pouch and failed.

"Six new recruits fit!" Cheered Kyle. "Yay Katie!"

"I DID IT!" Peter the panda said, walking past Perry. He looked very chubby. "Hey, Perry, why don't you invite Pal over here? He's the life of every party! Remember at the Halloween party when he started that paint fight?"

Perry smiled a little. "He's with his mom."

"Drag her over here, too. Pal's fun!"

Perry shook his head. "Fine. But don't eat up all of the refreshments while my back's turned." He pulled out his phone and dialed Palmer's number.

"You have reached Palmer. Leave a message or BEAT IT! Kay. Here comes the beep."

Perry hung up and punched the number in again. He'd told Palmer at least eighty times to keep his phone on in case he needed to reach him.

After another failed attempt, he called Poppy.

"This phone is not on." His phone told him.

"YOU'RE not on." Perry retorted. He slammed the phone against his hand and redialed the number.

"This phone is not on."

Perry stuck his phone back into his fur pocket and shoved past Doofenshmirtz to get to the exit. Something was wrong.

It wasn't too much farther to the garage with the seven-legged pony drawn on the front.

Perry knocked on the pony's head.

When there was no response, he shoved the door open. It hadn't been latched.

Furniture was thrown all over the room. A lamp lay broken on the windowsill.

Slowly Perry approached the teal creature lying prone on the floor.

"Poppy?" He put his hand on her back.

She was breathing.

"You okay?" He asked.

No response.

"Gosh, nothing's answering me today." Perry rolled her over and tried to pick her up. "Don't tell me. You ate a huge statue of the world's heaviest man."

He tried to walk, but couldn't quite find the energy. He put Poppy back down, grabbed her by the arms, and proceeded to drag her outside.

Once they were there, he sat down to rest.

"Wake up." He gave her a nudge with his foot. "This a new thing with you? Turn off your phone, trash your house and fall asleep?"

Perry hated the fact that he felt he had to joke around with an unconscious animal. She wouldn't be able to sense his fear if she couldn't even open her eyes.

Perry pulled out his phone again and called Monogram. "Pick up, pick up, pick up." He chanted.

"Yes? What is it, Agent P? Why aren't you at your party?"

Perry held his videophone over Poppy so Monogram could see.

"Great googly-moogly! What happened? Never mind that. Carl and I will be right over."

* * *

"What happened?" Pinky asked.

"Rogue probably got her." Perry said. They were sitting outside of the O.W.C.A medical wing. "Couldn't have been Dennis, he's locked away somewhere, but most likely some rogue wanted to avenge him."

"And where's Palmer?"

"Who knows. Hopefully the kid ran off."

Monogram came out of the room. "Pinky, could we be alone for a moment?"

Perry nodded and started to walk away.

"No no, Agent P. Pinky's the one who needs to leave us alone."

Perry stopped. Pinky got up and left the wing.

"She's in a coma. We're not sure when she's going to wake up, but until then, we can't really be sure what happened."

Perry shrugged.

"What we're assuming, though, is that the rogues are still after Palmer."

Perry's heart stopped. Of COURSE. Why hadn't he thought of that? Of course the rogues were after Palmer. Poppy had probably been trying to protect him.

Had she failed?

"I'd hate to have anything like this happen again." Monogram said. "It's dangerous for her, for one thing, but it's also a huge danger to the agency, having such a powerful agent that can't protect himself just yet. We may need to look into… well… having you fixed. Just to be safe."

Perry didn't respond.

"I know we should have originally done it earlier, but you had that shoe removed from your stomach when you were little. I didn't think we needed to push it."

"Where do you think Palmer is?"

Monogram was unable to translate Perry's chattering. "It's not a for sure thing, Agent P. Give me some time to think about it. Right now I have to prepare for another attack. Seems the rogue agents are starting to plan again."

He left.

Perry sat down on the floor. He hated every one of those rogues. Those evil thugs didn't care a lick about Palmer. All they wanted was his potential power.

Power which the kid had hardly even harnessed.

"Why aren't you at your party?"

Perry looked up wearily at Doofenshmirtz, then back down at the ground.

"Everyone's having a blast, but YOU aren't even there. You ARE allowed at the party, you know. The only reason you didn't get an invitation is because you're hosting the thing." Doofenshmirtz sat down next to Perry.

"I called too late. I should have called earlier."

"I know you totally hate parties, I get that. Remember when I threw you that surprise party on your third birthday? You totally flipped. You hid underneath my couch and wouldn't come out. Then you smashed my face in the cake. Good times, right, Perry?"

"I could have saved them. Both of them. I just… I feel like I have to give them space, like I can't just call them up. I never really was that close to either of them. I know Palmer less than I know Pinky."

"Yeah. Good times. Anyway, why don't you get up there? I don't speak animal, but I can tell the other agents miss ya."

Perry lay his head on Doofenshmirtz's lap. "I wasn't there for Pal when he needed me. He's gone. It's all my fault."

Doofenshmirtz froze. He wasn't used to Perry leaning on him like that.

Awkwardly, he patted Perry on the back.

"I didn't know." Perry whispered. "I should have known."

The ceiling shook. A loud crash sounded from above, along with the sounds of animals cheering. A Tiny Cowboy song started faintly playing.

The party seemed to be doing quite well on its own.

Doofenshmirtz kept his mouth closed and continued to stroke his nemesis.

That was all Perry really needed at the moment.

* * *

The agents all sat in a circle, the party carnage in the middle.

Everything had crashed down to the ground when Edie the elephant had joined Peter's "Who Can Jump The Highest" contest.

"Where's Perry?" Asked Peter.

"He's downstairs, I think. Doofenshmirtz went down to check." Clara said.

"He is downstairs." Pinky said quietly. "There was an accident. Poppy was hurt."

"How badly?" Devon asked.

"Well, I just saw her for a second. She looked asleep with only a few bruises."

"What about Palmer?" Asked Peter.

"Perry's not sure."

"Poor guy." Devon looked down at his lap. "And at the first party where he almost enjoyed himself."

"He hates parties, though." Carrie the cat said.

"He was smiling. I saw him smile today." Darren picked up a piece of cake off the floor and bit into it. "He also watched me chug lemonade."  
"He didn't watch me eat all those hot dogs." Peter said sadly.

Agent B, a large bulldog, burst into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt the celebration. Monogram has just located a rogue hideout. We need to get moving."

The animal agents all stood up and followed him.

* * *

Poppy shook Perry awake.

Perry sat up. He'd slept outside of the medical room all night. Embarrassed, he quickly stood up and saluted.

"They took him." Poppy said.

"Huh?"

"You have to help me get him back. They came in yesterday. Threatened me. I told them they could forget it, they weren't getting him. Then we fought… Dennis came in… that's all I remember. We have to find him!"

"Dennis?" Perry stared at her. "Dennis is back?"

"YES! We have to get Palmer." Poppy's eyes were watering. "I don't know where he is. We just have to find him."

"Did Monogram give him a microchip after he hatched?"

"Yes, but that's not going to work. The rogues aren't going to think he's a lost child that needs to be returned…"

Perry yanked out his pad and pressed a few buttons. "He's in Danville Alley. There's an underground area that we can get to through a manhole near the pet store."

"The microchip has a tracking device?"

"What agency are YOU from? Come on, let's go get him."


	5. Chapter 5

Perry finally reached the end of the tunnel. He was in a dark room with a table and two chairs.

A strange scene met him. Dennis was in one chair, Palmer in the other.

They were playing… cards.

"Do you have any fours?"

"Go fish."

Poppy emerged from behind Perry. Perry clapped his hand over her mouth.

Dennis pulled out a few cards from the pile. "You SURE you don't have any fours?"

"I told you, I don't have any stinkin' fours! Suck it up and DRAW." Palmer turned his attention away from the cards. "Mommy!"

"I told you they were coming." Dennis said, following Palmer's gaze.

Palmer threw his cards on the table and ran over to Poppy. "Mom! I missed you!"

"Palmer! You're safe!" Poppy grabbed Palmer up in a huge hug.

"Of course he is." Dennis snapped. "You think I was going to cook him or something? All I needed was to borrow him for a few seconds. I'd give him back."

"Sure." Perry shook his head. "You were going to keep him, and you know it. You told me before. You were going to train Palmer to be a nasty O.W.C.A hater like you."

Dennis smiled. "You see, that's where you're wrong, Perry. I've changed my plan a little. I couldn't possibly train Palmer now. He's much too fond of you two. He practically lives for the agency."

Poppy picked Palmer up and glared at Dennis.

"I realized, as I brought him here, that he had a good, strong bond with his parents. He talks about you two nonstop. He's got the stubbornness of his father and… I don't know you very well, Poppy, but I'm sure he's got a lot of your traits as well. It inspired me. I now know exactly…"

"Wait, hold it. If you didn't need Palmer for all of this, then WHY didn't you just bring him back home the moment you got this huge inspiration?" Perry demanded.

"Because Fir told me you were already on your way. I'm actually quite glad, it saved me a trip." Dennis pointed at the ceiling.

Fir hung upside down, grinning at them with pointed white teeth.

"Thank you, Palmer, for a wonderful game of cards. And for helping me figure out my next move."

"I kicked his butt in cards." Palmer told Perry.

Poppy turned and ran down the tunnels, going back to the outside. Perry followed her.

He was glad when they crawled out of the manhole. The sun warmed him.

"I just remembered something." Palmer said as Poppy placed him on the ground. "That evil bunny tried to hurt me when I was a baby! I shouldn't have kicked his butt in cards, I should have flat-out kicked his butt!"

"It's fine. I'm just glad you're okay." Poppy clutched his hand, as if she was afraid he would vanish at any moment.

Palmer smiled at Perry. "I wasn't afraid when he took me. I knew you'd come back to get me."

Perry smiled back.

* * *

"I hate you!"

Perry heard those words the instant he came in through the pet flap. He was a little confused at first.

"I hate you and I'm never speaking to you again!"

Wow. Perry had never heard those words come out of Phineas' mouth before. It sounded faint. Phineas was probably upstairs.

Perry climbed the steps, using all four feet. Sometimes coming home and acting like a mindless pet was a relief. He was still an animal, after all. He shouldn't have to walk on two legs ALL the time.

When he got upstairs, a shocking scene met his eyes. Phineas was standing in the hall, glaring into his room.

Objects were flying out of it, dangerously close to hitting Phineas in the head.

They appeared to all be things that belonged to Ferb.

"What are you even DOING?" Phineas snapped.

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Came Ferb's curt response. A snowglobe flew out of the doorway and soared dangerously close to Phineas.

Finally, a blue blanket and pillow streaked through the air. Ferb emerged from the room and began putting his stuff on the blanket. He scooped up the blanket and carried it downstairs.

"Fine, move out of the room!" Phineas shouted. "See if I care, 'cause I DON'T!"

Perry felt sad. The boys NEVER fought. He wondered what had caused the tiff.

Perry trotted past Phineas and went into the boys' room.

"Perry will stay with me!" Phineas shouted. "He always liked ME better, anyway!"

Perry stopped. He didn't want to be dragged into this. He loved Phineas and Ferb equally. Phineas always fed him and played with him, Ferb always held him and stroked him. He didn't want the boys thinking he was picking favorites when he decided to spend time with one and not the other.

On top of everything else, he didn't like this hostility between the two.

"Come on, Perry." Phineas picked Perry up and closed the bedroom door. "We don't need Ferb."

Phineas put Perry down on the bed and started looking through his blueprints.

Perry sat with him for a while and began chewing on the blanket. Once he was bored of that, he got up and walked over to the door.

He scratched on the wood.

Phineas turned to him, looking sad. "Come on, Perry. I don't want to have to sit in here alone."

Perry wanted to go out. He scratched the door again.

"Fine, I'll leave it open." Phineas opened the door and went back to sulking near his blueprints.

Perry frowned a little. He walked over to Phineas and rubbed his head against his leg.

"Love you, boy." Phineas said quietly.

Perry purred.

* * *

"It's pretty out here." Palmer said.

Danville Forest was a nice place at night. Perry had managed to build a small fire to roast marshmallows on.

"Want another marshmallow?" Perry asked, holding out a brown one to Poppy.

"Guess what marshmallows are made of!" Palmer said.

"Every time I roast marshmallows, someone always says that." Perry muttered.

"Give it to Palmer." Poppy said.

"He's already had four. Don't you think he's hyped up enough?"

"He gets so hyper that he tires himself out. Then he falls asleep."

"So THAT'S how it works."

Poppy glared at him, obviously remembering the song Perry had taught Palmer.

Perry handed the marshmallow to Palmer. "You gotta roast your own now. I better head back home."

"Already?" Palmer whimpered.

"Yep. I'll see ya in a couple weeks, though." Perry got up.

"No!" Palmer clutched onto Perry's leg. "It's not fair!"  
Perry tried to shake him off.

"Just a few more minutes, please?"

Perry sighed. "Fine." He sat back down.

Palmer smiled. He let go of Perry's leg and lay down next to the marshmallow bag. Within a moment, he was asleep.

"You can probably escape now." Poppy said.

"It's fine."

"It's okay. You can go if you need to."

"In a rush to get rid of me, are you?"  
"You have to get home."

Perry looked up at the stars. "Do you think that when people are close… and then they fight… do you think they'll ever really be friends again?"

"I'm still your friend. I was only mad at you for a little while. Then I got the hang of raising Palmer on my own."

"I'm not talking about you, miss center-of-the-universe. I'm talking about if there were two metaphorical brothers who were super close and then they got in this huge fight. Would they ever make up?"

"If they were originally close, then yes. Eventually."

"How long do you think it would be?"

"I don't know." Poppy shrugged. "A day? A week? A year?"

"Not helping." Perry lay down in the grass and stared up at the sky. "I hope they make up. They're the best people in the world."

"Everyone forgives, eventually."

"I hope so."

* * *

"Candace, can you ask Ferb to pass me the cereal box?"

Candace sighed. She turned to Ferb. "Can you pass Phineas the cereal box?"

Ferb shook his head.

"Candace, can you pass me the cereal box, since Ferb can't be bothered?" Phineas asked.

Perry ate silently. If it were two other people communicating through Candace, it would be funny.

But this wasn't funny.

"Candace, tell Ferb that he took my alarm clock by accident when he took all his stuff out of my room."

Candace turned to Ferb. "You heard that."

Ferb ignored her. He continued eating his cereal.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Linda asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Gee, I don't know." Phineas said sarcastically. "I guess I'm going to build something. ALONE."

Ferb rolled his eyes.

"Don't be mean, Ferb." Phineas grumbled.

* * *

The instant Perry stepped into the O.W.C.A, he was surrounded by gleeful agents.

"That was the WILDEST PARTY EVER!" Kyle said.

"AWESOME!"

"EPIC!"

Pinky shoved to the front of the crowd. "Man, I wish you'd been there for the end of it. Did you have fun while you were there?"

Perry thought for a moment. Then he smiled. "Yes. Yes I did."  
"We totally brought the house down." Devon said. "We played Tiny Cowboy songs for like HOURS!"

"And then we brought the ceiling down when Edie jumped." Said Herman the hedgehog.

Perry laughed.

"That was the best." Darren said. "Guess it takes a party-hater to throw a really good party."

Perry's phone vibrated. He pulled it out and looked at it.

"Text?" Pinky asked.

Perry nodded. He pushed a few buttons on his phone and stared.

"Everything okay?" Pinky watched Perry carefully.

"Oh great. Just great. I'm dead." Perry slammed the phone against his head.

"What happened?" Kenny the koala joined the group. He looked sleepy.

"Poppy laid another egg. The last thing I need is another troublemaker." Perry stuck the phone back in his fur pocket and dizzily walked toward the elevator.

**To Be Continued in the next story: Quits**


End file.
